(By Jane Baillie)
It has come to my attention that I am a complex being, full of contradictions!
If you were to ask anyone that I work with, they would tell you that I am one of the most organised members of the team. If I’m given a task to do, it gets done in a timely manner, no reminders necessary. My email inbox is regularly culled ensuring that only essential emails remain making them easy to find as and when they are required.
If you ask any of my patients, they too will tell a similar story. If they call or email me, I will get back to them within 24 hours. I am the nurse to go to if you want a prompt answer to a question.
Unfortunately, if you ask family and friends about my organisational skills, you may get a very different response! My house is frequently in chaos (although my family can probably take a share of the blame for that!) I’m frequently late for things and if I am on time, it’s only just. I forget to pay my bills until the last minute. In my personal life, it’s fair to say that my brain is scrambled eggs!
This haphazard approach to my personal life carries over into my church life I’m afraid to say. I’m amazed Paul and Elsa have persevered to get this Midweek Musing from me, and poor old Rita probably had to wait months for the promised magazine article. Lighthouse Gang planning is usually done in bed on a Sunday morning.
I struggle to understand why it is that the most important things in my life are the things that get the least planning and attention. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job; I enjoy being good at it, but in my list of priorities I would much rather be good at looking after my family and serving my Saviour.
It troubles me that maybe I’ve got something wrong along the way, that when God looks at me, he’s shaking his head in exasperation at what I perceive to be my failings. But when I think about it more and flip my thinking around a bit, maybe I’ve got things right too. Maybe God gave me the gift of spontaneity. Maybe God loves the fact that things can be thrown at me and I can think on my feet and adapt to situations. Maybe my chaos was God’s plan.
We can spend so much time chastising ourselves, beating ourselves up if we don’t meet the standards we think we ought to. We forget that even if we make mistakes, God doesn’t. So when he made me this complex, contradictory human being, he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew who I would be, my strengths, my failings and he loved me anyway and used me anyway. All the things I count as my failings, God counts as my individual skills to be used to his glory.
So, when you are looking at yourself and thinking you haven’t got much to bring to the party, remember that the God who made me and all my little foibles, also created you and yours!
I leave you with scripture.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well”.
P.S. If it appears that this Midweek Musing was left until the last minute and written in a panic at 10pm on a Tuesday night, you can rest assured that it was!