When Times Are Tough…
(By Jacqui Taylor)
John passed away a year ago. How did I cope with that and lockdown? I missed my friends and family at his funeral. No hugs, no kisses. Those who were allowed to come were very supportive.
I wouldn’t go out of the bungalow for a bit. I just couldn’t cope with the thought of coming back to an empty bungalow. Eventually, I left the radio or TV on and for months I would call out “I’m home”. But even then, the feeling of emptiness, the big hole, was still there when I returned. I felt robbed of all that I had. I moved around like a zombie, just doing things out of habit. I didn’t feel God was in my life anymore. I was tired and angry, sleeping a lot. I just wanted to be with John – to go to sleep and not wake up. I felt I didn’t have any energy or strength.
A few months down the line with the love and support from my church family I read Psalm 46: God is my refuge and strength. I realised God is always with us, even when we are at our lowest. I didn’t think or want to get through this last year, but God has a plan for each one of us.
I’ve tried not to be selfish and to think I am not the only one who has lost a loved one, but it has been hard. We are all different and take our losses differently. My prayer is that God will help me to go forward until the time is right to be united with John.
If you have read this and are left on your own, you will understand what it feels like. It isn’t easy, but have faith, trust in God. He is our refuge and our strength and always there to hear our cries, even when we feel lost and alone.